There’s a scene from a movie, which the title I cannot recall, where a couple is on their first date and one proposed they should reveal their secrets to each other. The point was, too many people pretend to be someone they aren’t during introductions. We want to impress the other person; therefore, we consciously (or unconsciously) shape ourselves to the liking of the other instead of presenting ourselves honestly.
Ever since I watched that scene, it’s stuck with me. Probably because I’m not a fan of small talk. I crave deeper, more meaningful conversation–genuineness. This is my gateway for learning an individual’s story. And while I don’t believe someone’s past should define their future, I do believe it’s molded them into who they are. On a first date, I’d rather not spend time dabbling in trivial subjects like the weather, but instead, gain a better understanding of what makes that person tick–who are they?
Sadly, there are people out there who lead others into believing they are something they are not. I know this from experience.
I fell in love with someone for their charm, sense of humor, and warmth. Over time, I discovered that these characteristics were actually an illusion used to entice and manipulate.
Unfortunately, this realization arrived long after I had all ready fallen in love.
I began to notice red flags, but I chose to deny or ignore them instead of confronting. While I would share my goals and dreams for myself and our future together, my partner would change the subject or avoid it all together. The attention would always be directed back on my partner. A relationship of “us” soon evolved into a relationship centered on only one.
And as my partner’s true colors appeared, I continued “repainting” reality into who I fell in love with in the beginning, blinding myself through our relationship. I convinced myself that I could mold, paint, help, fix the person I loved, which I’ve now learned isn’t possible. At some point, I recognized I was worth more than how I was being treated and I needed to stop forgiving the undeserved.
I’ve always told myself and others to “follow your heart.” I tend to let it guide me, which can be good and bad, so I’ve also learned to use my brain to help guard and guide my heart.
What’s smart? Getting to know someone before jumping into a relationship. If it’s worth it, the other person will have patience, as should you. Real love won’t run. It’s truthful. It will listen to your secrets while sharing its own. It doesn’t wear a mask or attempt to trap or use you.
Real love never requires a paint brush.
Poetry source: https://www.instagram.com/amillionmusings/